Reflections on 2017

Hello and welcome to another moment with Shona. Can you believe it is the LAST day of 2017? How did that happen? I think I’m in denial or something because it really hasn’t hit me that tomorrow is the first day of 2018. Yikes! Well, being that this is the final day of 2017, I wanted to use this moment to reflect on this year. I am currently sitting in my powder room just so I can hear my thoughts. We just got home from church, so I wanted to get all of these thought out before I do anything else today. So here goes…

This year has brought me wonderful moments, in which I will name later. It has also brought many challenges mentally. Usually, I would be super excited about the upcoming year, but in all honesty, I’m feeling a bit blah today. My chest has been heavy for a few days now & I’ve been trying to put my finger on why these feelings just came up out of the blue. It feels like I have a weight on my chest. And you know what is really terrible? When I talk, it sounds like I’m bothered or like I have an attitude all the time. I don’t want to come off that way at all, that is not my heart. The thing is, I’m just trying to get to the root of why I feel so heavy, which is why I felt the need to name this post, reflections.

When 2017 struck, I had so many plans for myself. I just knew that this year my business would be blooming. I felt it deep down. I even had the opportunity to travel to NOLA on a huge business trip that would help push me into building a successful business! It was great for roughly 2-3 months, then I started feeling frustrated and lost. I wanted to experience the joy of having success. Like, what exactly does that actually feel like? I have yet to experience it. Instead, I’ve felt like I was failing at everything I attempted with my coaching business. Should I quit all together? Or should I keep riding the waves clinging onto hope that one day I would actually reach success? I honestly don’t know what to do from here friends. I’ve left it up in the air for now, but I will continue motivating others to care for themselves with good nutrition & exercise either way.

On another note, 2017 was a year of preparation. I have no clue why that was my word for 2017, but it was clear as day when I heard it softly in my ears. I’m feeling like my word for 2018 is either faith or prayer. Both of those words are imperative for my walk with Christ. These are two things that I need to improve in. When negative things happen back to back or when I’m trusting God for something to happen in my life or my family’s life or when I feel like I just don’t have it in me to say a small prayer, that is the best time to open up my mouth and at least praise God for my breakthrough, even if I don’t see it with my natural eye. This heaviness I’m feeling right now as I type, I can’t really put it into words. I have an idea that it could be related to my life purpose. It could be related to me not feeling fulfilled because I do the same thing day in and day out. I’m just feeling so lost as of lately. I’m longing for God to give me some more direction. I’m longing for Him to show me where my mime ministry is heading & what am I doing with this gift that He blessed me with of being an Artist? These are things I think about every day. It doesn’t matter what I’m doing, one or both of these things come to mind daily. So if my word for 2018 is faith, then I know I have to continue trusting God that He will show me the way. If my word for 2018 is prayer, I know I have a lot of work to do because my prayer life could be way better! I have always had a heart to pray for others. I’m what you call an intercessor, which means I kind of forget about my needs & focus on others who desperately need prayer. While lifting others in prayer, my needs will automatically be met no questions asked because I have set my needs aside to help someone else. But, I do still pray for myself, just not as much because my focus has always been on other people. Sometimes when I’m praying for others so much, I can feel drained and lost about my own life. That is why it’s so important to have someone praying for me. I call on my husband and my parents to keep me covered in prayer at those times.

As I sit here reflecting on what things I could do differently next year, three words come to mind: LOVE MORE & GENTLENESS. Do you think that is a simply task? This is something that I have battled with since having children. I’ve noticed my tone of voice changed & I come off as harsh {this could just be in my head though}. I don’t want to be that way. My children are getting older and I want them to remember their mother as someone who was loving & spoke to them in kindness even when they do wrong. So what I’ve done is, I set aside books that I will be reading throughout the new year. These books of course won’t change me over night, but I’d like to think it’s a start! These books will help me see my children through God’s eyes. That will be my prayer every morning..

“Lord, help me display love & speak in kindness towards my children. Teach me how to be more gentle with them. Help me always see them through Your eyes.” Amen. 

If you’ve made it this far, thank you. This isn’t like my typical up beat blog post. I was just tired of hiding exactly how I’ve been feeling. I was tired of smiling to cover up my thoughts. When I smile, I want it to be real so people can truly see that I carry joy. At times I wished others could just look into my eyes and see that I was feeling lost & even depressed at times. I can write & motivate people all day, but sometimes the motivator needs motivating. The books I have lined up will give me that extra boost this new year. I am looking forward to improving in my marriage, parenthood, my leadership role, my spiritual walk as well as becoming stronger physically {I’m not reading a book on becoming stronger physically, I’m just planning on staying fit}.

You know what, since I shared how I’ve been feeling, I’m feeling that weight lifting off my chest. Slowly but surely. I even took a break from this post and spoke to my best friends via video messenger. So I’m in good spirits now. Earlier, I said I will share some of the blessings I’ve experienced through this year. The time has come friends. At the beginning of the year, I placed small pieces of paper inside of a Mason’s jar. I labeled it “blessings” along with the year. I changed the year to 2018 now, but I will share what was on my papers below.

2017 Blessings::

January::

1. My best friend Takisha gave me some awesome words of encouragement when I was feeling lost as a sahm & business woman. And she encouraged me to read the book Abundance Now.
2. My friend Char sent me a free Abundance Now audible book.
3. My friend Nija sent me an encouraging video relating to sahm’s and it made my entire day!
4. My godmum spoke directly to me on Facebook about how I was feeling as a sahm. It was like she was in the room with me when I was praying for guidance.
5. Ginger from my church spoke these words to me, “ I just want you to know that you’re such a huge inspiration! You’re an awesome person, wife and mom and I appreciate you.”
6. On the 18th, God used three people to show me what my purpose in life is.
7. My husband had an increase in clients for his business.

March::

1. A randomly lady at CVS handed me a lot of coupon that she wasn’t going to use.
2. Someone paid my way to the women’s conference called Devoted {second year getting blessed}!
3. Chrissy paid for Starbucks my coffee at Devoted conference.

September::

1. I was asked to lead a MOPS group at my church House Of Prayer. Every need that I needed to run the group would be taken care of.
2. I was able to help with three women’s health in a fitness connect group I lead at my church.
3. I developed new friendships at the MOPS group I lead and the MOPS group I attend for myself.

October::

1. My parents blessed my son Jeremiah with money for his birthday.
2. My connect pastor Rebecca treated me to a vanilla steamer from Starbucks.
3. My mother- in-law helped us buy a new bike for my son Jeremiah’s 10th birthday.
4. My mother-in-law helped my family with food, Gabe ya spending money & helped my husband and I attend our church’s marriage retreat.
5. We were invited to dinner at our founding Pastor Steve & Sharon’s house where we talked about our vision.

December::

1. Someone at our church blessed my family and bought us Christmas gifts! At least 5-6 gifts for each child.
2. My mother-in-law helped me pay for the biggest birthday surprise ever for my husband.
3. I was able to bless my neighbor with a big meal after she broke her wrist when she slipped on the ice.
4. I was able to surprise my parents and bless them with two gifts for Christmas.

I can go on and on y’all, but I’m going to stop here. I want to encourage you to create a blessings jar for 2018. Usually when we look back on the year, it’s hard to see all of the great stuff that occurred. With this blessings jar, it’s so easy to remember, but the key is to write it down as soon as things happen. I also hope that if you are feeling heavy like I was in the beginning of this post, that you would either talk to a close family member or friend. Or, you can write what’s on your mind. As long as you get it out.

I really hope you have a great New Year’s Eve friends. I look forward to connecting with you more throughout the new year! Have a fun & safe New Year’s Eve! This year, we are heading to our friend’s house. What are you doing tonight?

Until next time, “laugh hard, love harder, capture each moment & sprinkle a little joy in someone else’s life.” – XO Shona